This is How Your Marriage Ends: A Hopeful Approach to Saving Relationships

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Instead of reading this book, I recommend that you read a book by someone with training in working with couples (e.g., Gottman, Perel, any licensed marriage and family therapist, etc). There is a lot of overlap with the John Gottman book I discussed earlier this year . The Gottman book is broader and and a bit less focused on this specific issue, but this book is a bit of a faster read with more modern writing if that’s what you’re solving for Relationship experts, and therapists who specialize in helping marriages stay strong, have compiled a list of reasons why marriages end. Recognizing the things that go wrong in a marriage will help everyone in the long run. Being aware of the top reasons that marriages end is the best way to make sure they don’t. Here Are 6 Things That Can End Marriages 1. There’s no communication about the relationship I had no idea. I guessed that I might get an increase in requests for coaching services, and that seemed cool to me. The author, Matthew Fray, did a lot of soul searching after his divorce, and I'm sure he, his son, his ex-wife, and any future partners will benefit tremendously from that honesty and difficult emotional work. Fray has made tremendous progress in understanding many aspects of interpersonal dynamics that occur within long-term, committed relationships, but, despite coming incredibly close, I think he's still missing the most fundamental piece.

Matthew shares his story of beginning his blog Must Be This Tall to Ride when a therapist told him to write down his feelings. He writes that he is sure she meant to write them down privately, but he instead, got drunk and started posting on the internet. Though he did it semi-anonymously at first, he realized that people were saying, “this sounds exactly like my relationship,” or “the things my relationship partner says, thinks and feels.”Reveals why we (men and women) get it wrong so often and what we can do to fix it ... Entertaining, honest, and truly practical' Fray lists the "Invalidation Triple Threat", which are: thinking that your spouse's thoughts were wrong, or her feelings were wrong, or if you just understood what I did you would understand why what I did was fine. BUT. Seriously, he’s right on the main points. He really is. And he does take care to stroke the male reader’s ego a LOT, which, while it can grind on my lady nerves, hopefully will make his necessary and actually very useful advice more palatable to the men who probably need it most. (A LOT of- you’re not a bad guy! You’re a really good guy, like I am! Society failed us! How could we know?) A little over 4 years ago, I remember asking hopefully if you planned to write one, and you said yes, and I’ve been looking forward to it ever since. And here it is at last! I cannot wait to read it and buy extra copies for others who will be sure to enjoy it. You continue to give wonderful perspective with your healing words and it means the world to me.

When we realize that we choose to love someone that irritates us by doing x, y, and z, we choose to still show up for that person and our relationship. And something magical happened. People "got" it. My story was their story. My dysfunctional relationship looked and sounded and felt like their dysfunctional relationships. One night during his divorce, after one too many vodkas and a call with a phone-in-therapist who told him to “journal his feelings,” Matthew Fray started a blog. He needed to figure out how his ex-wife went from the eighteen-year-old college freshman who adored him to the angry woman who thought he was an asshole and left him. As he pieced together the story of his marriage and its end, Matthew began to realize a hard truth: even though he was a decent guy, he was a bad husband. It's a book that validates women's experiences, and hearing a former husband validate their pain can certainly be healing and cathartic. It's a book that women WANT their husbands to read. It's a book that Fray WANTS their husbands to read. But how many men are actually reading this book? My own husband's more optimistic take was that, because men are not "supposed" to be interested in relationships, the men who read this book are probably doing so in secret. I hope he's right. Because the idea of a marriage-saving book for men that is only read by their suffering wives is really depressing to me.He invalidates the request / tells his wife why she is wrong (e.g., it makes sense for me not to put my cup in the sink or “why does it matter? Is this work getting upset over?”) Many people think that once you get married, there’s no more need to sit down and talk about your relationship. This is false, and one of the main reasons that marriages end. Being able to sit down and discuss your relationship is vital, especially in marriage. You know, it’s funny, I’m, I’m a pretty sensitive about discussing specificity with his mother, like where I’m not trying to like rehash that so much, but it, but he gets it and he’s, he’s 13. He’s well aware of the work I do now, him and he’s, he gets it. He understands fundamentally that my work’s based on my regrets, that my marriage to his mother didn’t last. And in real time, I’m trying to educate him on lessons and empathy and compassion and mindfulness. Uh, when I see things that pop up, there’s a lot of conversations about racism, about sexism, uh, jokes in movies. Um, even that, like, we, I don’t know if you remember the movie, the sand lot. There’s a joke where a kid insults another kid by saying he plays ball like a girl. And I remember specifically pausing it after that. And we’d both laughed, cuz it’s like funny in the scene, but I wanted him to understand.

Discover the fascinating history of the humble notebook, from the bustling markets of medieval Florence to the quiet studies of our greatest thinkers. This is the perfect read for stationery fans and history buffs alike! Eventually, the truth caught up to me and I understood: Good people can be bad at relationships. People with the best intentions in the world can still inadvertently harm their relationship partners. The editors at the New York Times thought late May was the perfect time to run the story, which was super-inconvenient since I hadn’t yet shed my quarantine weight. Not only did the pandemic not lessen people’s interest in the subject matter I write and talk about, but it actually increased it in a counterintuitive way that I never saw coming.To celebrate the publication of #DisobedientBodies – the new manifesto on beauty from Emma Dabiri, the bestselling author of #WhatWhitePeopleCanDoNext – we’re running a giveaway with UK indie nail polish brand Télle Moi. The concept that being a good person is not the same as being a good husband was really interesting. It’s easy to assume people judge us based on who we are as people, when all they really care is about how we perform in the context that matters to them. E.g., if you are a good / nice person but incompetent at your job, your coworkers won’t care that you are a good person. What are you doing for them ? I borrowed bits and pieces from blog posts that captured certain ideas. I shared new personal stories about my own life and, with permission, the lives of several of my coaching clients. And to the best of my ability, I attempted to lay out the way I believe good people are inadvertently bad at relationships. I attempted to tell the story about how two people who genuinely love one another can erode trust in their blind spots, slowly papercutting their marriage or long-term relationship to death.