8 Rules of Love: The Sunday Times bestsellling guide on how to find lasting love and enjoy healthy relationships, from the author of Think Like A Monk

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At first, 8 rules of love may seem like just another one of the boring, repetitive self-help books that's gonna try and teach us about love and instead be full of author's plugins, repetitive advice we've all heard that doesn't work and just fall short. You forget what you've read a day or two after. This is so far from that. But I would hate to express my love for this book and how great it is, with comparing it to others, and moreso because of how in its own league it is. Most of the advice on love is caught up in how to find Mr. or Ms. Right. We think there’s a perfect person out there for us, a soul mate, the One, and dating apps reinforce that belief. That’s wonderful when it happens, but it doesn’t happen to everyone, and it doesn’t always stay so perfect. This book is different because it’s not about finding the perfect person or relationship and leaving the rest to chance. I want to help you intentionally build love instead of wishing, wanting, and waiting for it to arrive fully formed. I want to help you deal with the challenges and imperfections we encounter on the journey to love. I want you to create a love that grows every day, expanding and evolving rather than achieved and complete. We can’t know where and when we’ll find love, but we can prepare for it and practice what we’ve learned when we find it. The storybook version of love I displayed for Radhi wasn’t the love that would sustain our relationship. Fairy tales, films, songs, and myths don’t tell us how to practice love every day. That requires learning what love means for the two of us as individuals and unlearning what we thought it meant. That’s why I’m sharing my imperfect story. I don’t know everything, and I don’t have everything figured out. Radhi has taught me so much about love, and I continue to learn with her. I’m sharing all this book’s advice with you knowing how much I could have used it myself and will use it in the future. Love is not about staging the perfect proposal or creating a perfect relationship. It’s about learning to navigate the imperfections that are intrinsic to ourselves, our partners, and life itself. I hope this book helps you do just that.

A lot of people say, “We just don’t love each other anymore, we’ve fallen out of love.” What that means is that love wasn’t enough. There were character traits that we needed that we didn’t find in that partner, that we didn’t recognize we needed to grow the relationship. The Gottman Institute, which publishes studies on relationships, talked about how the number one thing that keeps couples together is not date nights, holiday cruises, or walks on the beach, it’s their ability to learn how to argue, the ability to turn an argument into a discussion. Fighting and arguing push you apart, but discussion and debate bring you closer. Jay Shetty is a behavioral science graduate from Cass Business School, an author, life coach, and host of the On Purpose podcast. He is also chief purpose officer at Calm. You should do what’s best for you, she told him. I want to be clear. I’m not sure where our relationship is going. He was unsure at first, but a month after she left, he moved to Austin.

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Researchers from the German Center of Gerontology analyzed data from more than 2,500 participants in a German aging survey. They found that as time went on, people became happier with their single status, and their relationship status became less relevant to them. DePaulo writes that over time, single life gets better and better, and for individuals as they age, satisfaction with their single lives continues to rise. It’s much healthier and more important to see your partner in multiple interactions over time before you’ve gone too far in. Studies show that you need around 40 hours to consider someone a casual friend, a hundred hours to consider someone a good friend, and 200 hours to consider someone a great friend. Another problem with over-emphasizing chemistry is that it doesn’t take character into account. Character traits such as our interests and values are far important for a successful long-term relationship. Chemistry starts a relationship, compatibility keeps it going, and character protects the relationship when things are falling apart. “When you see someone’s personality, you see what you like, but when you see someone’s character, you see the more difficult, challenging parts of them.”

Overall, I can endorse this book for young people who have not already read a hundred other titles with similar messages. Our own culture describes love in numerous ways. If we look at the Billboard Top 50 Love Songs of All Time, we are told that love is a secondhand emotion (Tina Turner), love is a roller coaster (Ohio Players), love is a hangover (Diana Ross), love is a crazy little thing (Queen), love’s got Beyoncé looking so crazy right now, and Leona Lewis keeps bleeding love. Movies idealize love, but we rarely find out what happens after happily ever after. With so many perspectives and portraits and parables of love surrounding us every day, I want this book to help you create your own definition of love and develop the skills to practice and enjoy that love every day. We must use the time when we are single or take time alone when we are in a couple to understand ourselves, our pleasures, and our values. When we learn to love ourselves, we develop compassion, empathy, and patience. Then we can use those qualities to love someone else. In this way, being alone—not lonely, but comfortable and confident in situations where we make our own choices, follow our own lead, and reflect on our own experience—is the first step in preparing ourselves to love others. Fear of Loneliness nav tipiska pašpalīdzības grāmata - tā nemāca KĀ vajadzētu dzīvot un mīlēt, lai sasniegu tos vai citus! Autors tajā dalās ar savu pieredzi daudzu garumā esot Budistu mūkam, satiekot un intervējot cilvēkus, kā arī ļoti plašām zināšanām psiholoģijā, literatūrā - senajās un mūsdienu. Ļoti daudz noderīgu atsauču, kas rosina pētīt un gribēt izzināt vairāk.Before we continue... I wanted to write a fair critique so I read the book and even listened to parts to see if anything changed with him reading it. I listened to podcasts where he is a guest and a few where he's the host and both solo and guest episodes. I googled some of the things he talks about in the book. I googled him. Overall, I gave him a fair chance before really settling into my decision. The Vedas describe four stages of life, and these are the classrooms in which we’ll learn the rules of love so that we can recognize it and make the most of it when it comes our way,” Shetty explains. “After we learn the lessons of one level, we move to the next.” Dalam 8RoL, Shetty menekankan kalau beda antara "mencintai" dg "memiliki" tuh tipis banget. Seringkali kita memaknai "cinta" sinonim dg "ownership." Padahal setiap manusia punya otoritas atas dirinya sendiri. Every one of us punya kuasa buat nentuin mau dibawa hubungannya (you sing, you lose). Al aplicar estas ocho reglas del amor de Jay Shetty aprenderemos a amar a nuestra pareja, al mundo y también a nosotros mismos Aku ngeh banget gimana usahaku buat nggak mengulangi pola yg sama dg kekurangan orangtuaku (makanya aku baca buku kayak gini..). Tapi rupanya tanpa sadar aku juga punya standar yg nggak aku cantumin dalam ceklisku. Misalnya nih, karena dibesarkan dg ayah yg hobi ke museum & toko buku, aku jadi nyari partner yg juga bakal enjoy kalau ku ajak ke sana. I want to feel that kind of excitement dg orang yg kusayang & yg sayang dgku.

We can all agree that no one wants to be lonely. In fact, many people would rather stay in an unhappy relationship than be single. If you type the phrase Will I ever… into a search engine, it predicts that the next words you will enter are find love, because Will I ever find love is the most popular question people ask about their futures. When I was twenty-one years old, I skipped my college graduation to join an ashram in a village near Mumbai. I spent three years there as a Hindu monk, meditating, studying ancient scriptures, and volunteering alongside my fellow monks. As DePaulo says, “One of our challenges culturally is that we don’t tell positive affirming stories about people who are single.” Whether you look at movies, music, or TV shows, usually, even though people in relationships are struggling, it’s highlighted when someone’s alone. 2. Chemistry starts a relationship, but character makes it last.

Let Yourself Be Alone

You probably came to this book wondering how to find or keep love with a partner. We want love in our lives, and we naturally assume it should take the form of romantic love. But it’s a misconception that the only love in your life is between you and your partner, your family, and your friends. It’s a misconception that life is meant to be a love story between you and one other person. That love is just a stepping-stone. Having a partner isn’t the end goal. It’s practice for something bigger, something life-changing, a form of love that is even more expansive and rewarding than romantic love." He uses "modern science" really poorly in the book. He cites some slapshot articles barely grazing their actual meaning. Oxytocin is related to the feeling of being in love. When we have sex, men’s oxytocin levels spike about 500 percent. Men and women feel closer chemically during and after sex, but we are not actually closer emotionally. Most people have had some experience of being in an unhealthy relationship: lots of arguing, a bit toxic, not transparent, but the sex and the physical connection was incredible. Emotionally you feel distant, but physically you feel close. “Men and women feel closer chemically during and after sex, but we are not actually closer emotionally.” In the first ashram, Brahmacharya, we prepare for love. We don’t get in a car and start to drive without studying for a learner’s permit and practicing the core skills in a safe space. When we take a new job, we might prepare by learning a new computer program, talking to people we’ll be working with about what might be expected of us, or reviewing whatever skills we might need. And we prepare for love by learning how to love ourselves in solitude. Alone, we learn to understand ourselves, to heal our own pain, and to care for ourselves. We acquire skills like compassion, empathy, and patience (Rule 1). This prepares us to share love because we’ll need these qualities when we love someone else. We will also examine our past relationships to avoid making the same mistakes in relationships going forward (Rule 2).