Happy High Status: How to Be Effortlessly Confident

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Confidence gets a bad rap. We struggle to define what it really is. We envy it in others and want it for ourselves. And yet also we despise people – and even ridicule them – when they have “too much” of it. Not that we can agree on how much confidence is too much. One person’s version of smooth self-assurance can come across to someone else as the worst kind of smug. It’s something we’ve all heard contradictory messages about since we were children. When I interviewed Michelle Obama’s speechwriter Sarah Hurwitz about confidence in public speaking, she had some advice which made my jaw drop because it was so obvious – and yet so brilliant.

Oates said: “I have found Viv Groskop’s authoritative yet compassionate guides immeasurably valuable, so I’m thrilled to be publishing her new book on something we all want a bit more of: confidence. A trusted voice in the personal development space, Viv’s smart advice will help so many readers embrace their own innate and authentic confidence, not only boosting their performance, but improving the way they feel about themselves too.” Can you be both insecure and confident at the same time? In this first of a series of Happy High Status takeover episodes, Viv talks to award-winning comedian Tom Allen, star of The Apprentice: You’re Fired and Bake-Off: Extra Slice, about his life on and off stage and what he has learned about managing nerves, coping with the reactions of audiences and critics and, most of all, living with self-criticism. Tom tells Viv that it’s a mistake to assume that comedians perform from a place of self-assurance: instead he has learned that his version of happy high status comes from being “confidently insecure." (Happy high status is a term from acting and comedy that is a sort of shorthand for “your best self.”) He shares tips on dressing for confidence (like Fred Astaire, please), how to avoid being apologetic around people when you really should be taking charge and how to feel entitled to speak. How do you “make space for yourself” in a hostile environment? How do you recover your confidence when it’s at a low ebb? Drawing on research, practical tips and lessons from the worlds of comedy, film, television, politics and sport, Viv Groskop offers a masterclass in how you can access this new form of confidence at any time. All, crucially, with no risk of anyone thinking that you are your own biggest fan. This week I am really excited to finally unveil my new book…. HAPPY HIGH STATUS: HOW TO BE EFFORTLESSLY CONFIDENT! This book is coming out on June 29.

Too many people are vague in their examination of their own confidence. They expect to just feel it unquestioningly. But that’s unrealistic. You can’t wake up every day feeling great. It pays to think about what exactly is bothering you, and what you can do to fix it. The answer is often very specific.

Everyone wants to feel at home and at ease with themselves. We all want to be able to face any situation, both in life and at work, without feeling daunted, intimidated or stressed. But no-one wants to be labelled over-confident, arrogant or smarmy, or to get caught up in their own hype. So how can you feel authentically, properly confident - without the cringe, and without pretending to be something you're not? For some of us, this quality could be about channelling quiet calm, reassurance and diplomacy. For others it could be bringing the wow factor, exuding charisma or even being slightly seductive. Or it could be about bringing one of any of these: curiosity, warmth, a questioning nature, generosity, intensity, focus, ease, dynamism, wit, kindness … There is no right answer. We aim to make all Guardian Masterclasses fully accessible. If you require any adjustments to enable your participation in this course, please get in touch with us at [email protected]. Because we cannot possibly all have the same energy or confidence. Which is why some people hate some comedians that others love. And why some people find certain politicians charismatic and exciting, and others regard that person as insufferable and narcissistic. (Important: part of confidence is about accepting that you cannot be loved – or even liked – by absolutely everyone.) In a series of chapters in which she approaches the idea of status from different perspectives –for example ‘be like final-scene Sandy and Danny’ – Viv Groskop gives a mixture of friendly encouragement, deep dive psychology and practical tips such as ‘leave a gap and a space for a thought to land with the other person.’

If you have to speak in front of others, you could choose, for example, to be clear, concise and succinct. If you have to approach someone who intimidates you, you could be decisive, steadfast or (not for the faint of heart) optimistic. Ask if this is ‘internal’ or ‘external’ for you This course has now passed, but you can be the first to know about the next one - and other workshops like this - by signing up to our newsletter here. Transworld has acquired an “authoritative and compassionate” book on confidence by award-winning stand-up comedian, broadcaster and coach Viv Groskop. How do you achieve and stay authentic? Viv talks to Angela Cretu, CEO of Avon, one of the biggest beauty brands in the world.

This compassionate, funny and motivating book is about how to have effortless confidence. The kind of confidence that comes not from anything particular that you say or do but from how you hold yourself, your ‘status’. At its heart is the idea that ‘we are all always giving off signals and “tells” to others that signify – consciously or unconsciously – how we expect them to treat us.’

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Remember the Maya Angelou quote: “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Be the best listener and/or observer in the room

And in case you missed the picture of Margaret Atwood giving her blessing to the first manuscript copy of Happy High Status, here it is. Everyone wants to be able to face challenging situations without feeling daunted, intimidated or stressed. But no-one wants to be labelled over-confident, arrogant or smarmy, or to get caught up in their own hype. So how can you feel authentically confident - without the cringe, and without pretending to be something you're not? Lucy Oates, senior commissioning editor, bought world English language rights to Happy High Status: How to Be Effortlessly Confident at auction from Cathryn Summerhayes at Curtis Brown. It will be published by Torva in June 2023. Don’t we all wish there were more of those around? We can all start by being one ourselves. May Oprah bless all our efforts. You might choose to confide difficulties to a colleague. Photograph: Klaus Vedfelt/Getty Images 3. Be honest about your negativity

Should you expect to feel confident at work? Or is it normal to feel disillusioned and fed up at least some of the time? I mean, it is work. It is not your life. Amid all the noise and drama about quiet quitting, generational differences, hybrid working patterns, flexible hours, “the Great Resignation” and whatever latest workplace trend is in the headlines, there’s a temptation to believe that you need to love your work and feel very confident in it to be a fully functioning member of society. We tend to forget that most people neither love their work nor hate it. They just do it reasonably uneventfully, get paid and then go home. Sometimes that is the definition of professional confidence: getting the job done. But what if that’s not enough? In drama and comedy, performers split their attention into two parts: “internals” and “externals”. Your “internals” are about how you’re feeling inside: your emotions, your intention, your attitude. Only you really know the truth about your internals. Before going on stage she recommends immersing yourself in the energy of the room. And Angela will always make sure her eyes look amazing.