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The goal of the current study was to describe gay/bisexual adolescent males' perspectives on their relationships with their parents, their communication about sex/dating, and their parents' monitoring of their dating activities. The majority of adolescents felt that being gay/bisexual had an influence on their relationships with their parents. Therefore, we cannot assume that research on heterosexual youth's relationships with their parents can be generalized to gay/bisexual male youth. While most of the gay/bisexual adolescents said that they had good relationships with at least one of their parents, over half also said that coming out had negative effects on their relationships. Only a small proportion felt that their relationships improved after they came out. These adolescents described their parents being supportive of their sexuality (e.g., providing educational materials about same-sex sexuality, helping with dating), providing insight into how parents can help gay/bisexual youth feel supported. Given that young gay/bisexual men describe parent-adolescent closeness as protective against sexual risk behavior ( LaSala, 2015), youth who feel supported by their parents may be less likely to engage in risk behavior. Although a similar percentage of youth reported that their parents did not monitor their behavior (48%), approximately half of them ( n = 7 of 15) described parenting practices that contradicted their statement. For instance, one said: Cook SH, Calebs BJ. The Integrated Attachment and Sexual Minority Stress Model: Understanding the Role of Adult Attachment in the Health and Well-Being of Sexual Minority Men. Behavioral Medicine. 2016; 42:164–173. doi: 10.1080/08964289.2016.1165173. [ PMC free article] [ PubMed] [ CrossRef] [ Google Scholar] Ryan C, Huebner D, Diaz RM, Sanchez J. Family rejection as a predictor of negative health outcomes in white and Latino lesbian, gay, and bisexual young adults. Pediatrics. 2009; 123:346–352. doi: 10.1542/peds.2007-3524. [ PubMed] [ CrossRef] [ Google Scholar] CDC. Diagnoses of HIV infection in the United States and dependent areas. 2014 HIV Surveillance Report. 2014; 26 [ Google Scholar]
Krueger RA. Focus groups: a practical guide for applied research. 4th. Los Angeles: SAGE; 2009. [ Google Scholar] Adolescents who were not out to their parents believed that their parents would treat them differently if they knew about their sexual orientation. They explained that their parents assume that nothing sexual is happening between them and their male friends, so if they knew that they were gay/bisexual, then the rules would likely change. For example: Some adolescents reported changes in parental monitoring after coming out, particularly because their parents were unsure if male friends were romantic interests. For instance:Dishion TJ, McMahon RJ. Parental monitoring and the prevention of child and adolescent problem behavior: a conceptual and empirical formulation. Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review. 1998; 1:61–75. [ PubMed] [ Google Scholar] Wang B, Stanton B, Deveaux L, Li X, Koci V, Lunn S. The impact of parent involvement in an effective adolescent risk reduction intervention on sexual risk communication and adolescent outcomes. AIDS Education and Prevention. 2014; 26:500–520. doi: 10.1521/aeap.2014.26.6.500. [ PMC free article] [ PubMed] [ CrossRef] [ Google Scholar] At one point, I had a boyfriend who was a senior in high school. My mother adored him and did not bother to talk to me of the dangers of STDs and unprotected sex… But, around eighth grade, which is about two years ago, I had a girlfriend who I dated for about a year. My mother lectured me greatly and urged me to use protection due to the fact she could get pregnant. At one point she even gave me condoms and lubricant. I find it strange that my mother would not discuss the other things that come along with unprotected sex, like STDs, when I was in an intimate relationship with a male. I feel as though she thought that because neither of us could get pregnant that there was no danger. This unsettles me greatly. -year-old, White, questioning/unsure, out to parents For adolescents who were not out to their parents, being gay/bisexual still had an impact on their relationships with their parents and it was almost always a negative impact. These youth typically expressed concern that their relationships with their parents would change if they came out, often describing experiences where their parents made homophobic comments. For instance, one explained: “My relationship with my mother is very tense…. I think being gay made me less open with my mom since I'm aware of her homophobic beliefs” (17 years-old, Asian, gay). Similarly, another described: “My parents don't know about my sexual orientation yet. But they have talked to me about homosexuality a few times…. They said that being gay is not normal to them and should not be accepted” (16 year-old, Asian, gay, not out to parents). These adolescents also described experiences where their parents made assumptions that they were heterosexual and, in turn, asked them questions that made them uncomfortable:
Mustanski B, Newcomb M, Garofalo R. Mental health of lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth: A developmental resiliency perspective. Journal of Gay & Lesbian Social Services. 2011; 23:204–225. doi: 10.1080/10538720.2011.561474. [ PMC free article] [ PubMed] [ CrossRef] [ Google Scholar] Most adolescents (76%) reported that being gay/bisexual had an influence on conversations with their parents about sex and dating ( Table 2). They typically indicated that they had talked about sex at least once, but discussions were sparse, vague, and uncomfortable. Conversations tended to focus on safety (e.g., condom use) and sometimes included uncomfortable questions. For instance, one adolescent explained: “[My father] just came to me and handed me 3 condoms and told me ‘Pinch the tip and wrap it up’ and that's all he told me about sex. It was very uncomfortable for me and I'm pretty sure my dad was just as uncomfortable” (16 years old, American Indian/Alaskan Native, gay, out to parents). Another described being asked uncomfortable questions: “… [my mom] asked very intrusive questions like if I was a top or bottom…. which irritated me a great deal…” (16 years old, Latino, gay, out to parents). Some attributed the brief and uncomfortable nature of the conversations to their parents' inexperience with gay/bisexual adolescent males. For instance, one explained: “… my parents wouldn't really know how to deal with same sex activity because they're [not] experienced or know anything about that” (17 years old, White, bisexual, out to parents). Despite describing conversations about sex as uncomfortable (for themselves and their parents), some youth expressed a desire to be closer to their parents and to be able to talk to them about sex/dating. For instance, one adolescent said that, although his parents were supportive of his sexual orientation, “being gay kinda affects our relationship because we can't talk about certain things I would like to talk about with them” (16 years old, Latino, gay, out to parents).
Over half of the youth (52%) reported that their parents monitor their behavior. The most common monitoring strategy described was asking questions about whether or not they were dating or having sex. For example, one adolescent explained: “[My parents]… only occasionally ask if I'm dating someone and if I say yes they will ask me all about that person” (15 years old, White, bisexual, out to parents). Some youth mentioned that they were not always truthful when their parents asked them questions about sex/dating, because they were concerned that it would make their parents worry more. For instance, one said: Kubicek K, Beyer WJ, Weiss G, Iverson E, Kipke MD. In the dark: young men's stories of sexual initiation in the absence of relevant sexual health information. Health Education & Behavior. 2010; 37:243–263. doi: 10.1177/1090198109339993. [ PMC free article] [ PubMed] [ CrossRef] [ Google Scholar]
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