Often sitting with him in our small living room and could not speak unless I was spoken to, feeling constant fear of his random beatings about an object I moved, the foufou not well-cooked, a test I flunked, etc.

Now, not to get anyone’s panties in a twist here, but I was left with such ambivalent feelings, (even after knowing deep down that Marianne and Connell are soul mates, and absolutely will end up back together and growing old with kiddies) about her brother and mother. Web icon An illustration of a computer application window Wayback Machine Texts icon An illustration of an open book. Not only that, but you will see people, their problems, and their proclivities in a helpful new light. we were brought up with can affect our self-esteem and relationships with spouses, children, and other family members.

This is a great book of exercises and descriptive chapters that helps people work through the difficulties of their families of origin.

But the truth is any loyalty that makes us feel small, bad, inadequate is not healthy — loyalty to dysfunction or hatred can be destructive.It's well worth the read so that you don't make mistakes over and over, and so that you become the best self you can be (subject of another Richardson book). For a long time, I felt it was because something was wrong with me that my uncle treated me badly in childhood. He was formerly the Executive Director and Director of Training at the North Shore Counselling Centre in British Columbia. These unconscious loyalties are detrimental to us often and are a tribute to those who came before us. Accepting that the adults in my life did not take care of me and that the family I so want to belong to did not really exist gave me the space to drop this weight of toxic loyalties and obligations I was handed, to face the shame, disappointment, anger, loss, grief and acceptance of what was.