Although butch–femme was not the only organizing principle among lesbians in the mid-20th century, it was particularly prominent in the working-class lesbian bar culture of the 1940s, 1950s, and 1960s, where butch–femme was the norm, while butch–butch and femme–femme relationships were taboo. Lesbian is a term most widely used in the English language to describe sexual and romantic desire between females. compared to the disparity amongst kinky and non-kinky bottoms — 91% of kinky bottoms like not being in control, compared to 62% of non-kinky bottoms.

They can be pretty confusing, because they can refer to someone’s sexual preferences, level of dominance, role in their relationships, or all of the above. Oral sex, for example, can truly go either way — going down on somebody can feel super toppy or super bottomy, depending on the context, the power dynamic, the dirty talk around it, and other physical actions and cues. But we’re all human, so don’t expect that stereotype of finding every femme to be submissive, faint-hearted little fairies. I’ll also be including alternative spelling (in italics) used on platforms like tiktok to avoid homophobic censorship. Femmes still combat the invisibility their presentation creates and assert their sexuality through their femininity.Some lesbians (especially older or super-sensitive ones) still object to the term, but it is becoming increasingly common and mainstream (at least within the gay community), with events such as “Dyke Nights” or “Dyke Marches” being held around the country. we had extensive conversations about this within AS staff, what I quoted here was just a small sliver. As someone who is most often a power bottom (but sometimes has fun service topping) I find it fascinating that so many people think of submissive and bottoming as the same thing! For example, Susie Bright, the founder of On Our Backs, the first lesbian sex periodical of its kind, identifies as femme.

I’ll be going through the data gradually over the course of the month — next week we’ll talk about switches and people who don’t employ these terms at all. In lesbian sexual culture, the only word that absolutely means “I don’t get penetrated” is “stone,” but many bottoms defined their role like this one bottom did: “the one being fingered, the one being fucked by the strap on, etc.Another soft butch lesbian top described her topping as “preferring to touch rather than be touched for pure sexual and emotional excitement and fulfillment.