Don’t expect to be able to sit down and answer these questions in one night—or even one month. Setting limits is a lifelong process. Don’t make threats in an angry or controlling way (“If you do this again I’m leaving you!”). This may come across as punishing. Even if you choose to set this limit, it should come across as something you are doing for yourself, not something against the other person. For example, during times when you’re both calm, you could explain which actions you cannot tolerate and which of these will force you to leave the relationship. This book did help me. It felt good to know that I wasn't alone in dealing with a loved one with these issues. I felt validated, and relieved because at least my loved one isn't violent. However, much of the book, understandably, wasn't relevant to my situation. Much dealt with the husband/wife relationship (a chosen relationship), and those relationships with children. My relationship is an unchosen one...one of a immediate family member. I kept wanting the book and/or the knowledge that the book brought to somehow do the impossible and make the issues disappear. I had to deal with and work through that frustration...the whole "okay, great, she has this, but now what!?" Do I tell her she has it? I decided on No, don't mention it to her. I will just be aware and do my part to be compassionate, and not take things personally, but try to determine what is really bothering my loved one when she is having a reaction. It will be a journey for me...lots of work and patience on my end. It takes a village to raise a child” If we’re talking in phrases, then this is quite an appropriate one to use. When you’re constantly walking on eggshells, you might begin to feel lonely, even if you’re an active partner in the relationship.

If you have an abusive partner, then here are some tips to help you deal with them, protect yourself, and stop walking on eggshells; 1. Communicate Honestly Learn to lift yourself up. Remind yourself that you deserve love and even compassion . Save yourself first before you save your relationship. 2. Stop blaming yourself Help the BP put together a support team so you don’t feel overburdened and exhausted. The first person should be the BP’s therapist, who can work with the BP to reduce self-harm. These Agreements are an essential step in the right direction. A step towards each other, instead of away from.

A good primer for people without BPD. This is not for people who want to learn about their condition. It is a place for people without it to be upset/scared/angry/validated at some of the things BPD makes more likely to happen. In that sense, I think it does a really good job. It explains the symptoms and brain connections of someone with BPD in a way that others might be able to understand, and holds lots of space for the difficulty of loving anyone with mental illness, but in this specific case, BPD.

You’re at a party, but you can’t enjoy anything because you are scared that you might do anything that will upset your partner.When that attunement’s working and you’re in flow, you’re like a beautiful, bad-ass synchronized swim team. Don’t define the person with BPD in terms of the self-mutilation. It is something the BP does, not something the BP is. Do you overlook your partner’s bad actions, faults and try your best to justify them? If you love yourself and your partner, you would want to pinpoint the issue and work on it. 8. You feel powerless and weak You used to be independent, happy, and positive, but now, you just fear making the tiniest mistakes. You look into the mirror and see a terrified stranger, and you wonder what happened. In a walking on eggshells relationship, you find yourself monitoring every word, action, or gesture, trying to predict how it might affect your partner’s mood or response. This heightened vigilance stems from the fear of setting off conflict or facing negative consequences.